不算新的生活

对，这阵子忙有的没的。回到KL，开工，新住所，搬家，见朋友，聚会，摄像，手机。

这次工作与以往不同，internship，还真是第一次，应该也只有一次。工钱少，工作时间蛮长。唉…Office里又很无聊。

还在适应期，终于办理宿舍了。新的地方，新的生活环境。

先写到这里，工作忙了反而没什么心机写了。

Leave

转眼之间，有时时候说再见了，或许应该说，终于是时候说再见了。以前一直期待的，现在到了，心里反而会有点舍不得和遗憾。丢了很多东西，翻起了很多记忆，照片，电影票。甚至一些从第一学年就一直留，留，留到现在第三年的。有用的，选择被收起来，继续的留。没用的，全都变成了垃圾，连楼梯旁的垃圾桶都不够装。干净了，收拾整齐了，明天就要回家。

新闻，身旁的朋友很多莫名其妙的住不到宿舍，心中难免不忿，可是也不能做什么。还有时间，至少是九月才开学，还可以考虑下一步该怎么走。上诉或搬迁。最重要的是不好破坏为了考试的准备。

有点傻，竟然想到宿舍的各个角落拍张照留念。到时回来的感觉已经不一样，不会忘记的是自己住了这里三年，当年傻傻的第一年，到现在。做过的每一件事，聊过天的每一个人，都值得纪念。

Slap

What a long time. Exam period makes me don't have much feeling to express, so I've got nothing to write. Or maybe just too busy to study at last minute? I know its bad, and I'm not that good at last minute too. I take quite some times to understand some simple things too, but everytime I repeat this mistake. My bad.

Sounds not happy and cheerful right? Yes I'm totally sad now. Yesterday after settling my final exam for this semester, I feel relieved, and at the same time, I feel sad for my FEA. I swear I know how to do all the questions, I know the methods and I did them all, but guess what, my substituted values are wrong. When I realize I was wrong, I'm already at the third page of the solution of that particular question. And I don't have enough time to erase, change or redo. I'm frustrated and my hands even, started to shake. My tears almost burst because this is the most fucking case in the world. I rather feel like I don't know how to do at all. I guess, in total of 40 marks, after I've substituted all the wrong values, how much can I get? 5? 10? In the end, I just have my methods and calculations all done, just wish that, MAYBE, calculations carry marks. But that doesn't change my mind, I just feel stupid, because of the wrong values. I feel like, I rather don't do all those past years questions, don't revise much, don't be so stressed for that subject! Perhaps my marks will just be the same like I didn't study much, but in fact I did, and I've wasted all my efforts because of those stupid units!

I'm speechless after that paper. Maybe after CIM I have some bad feelings too, but this time the feeling is much stronger, perhaps I give too much hope on this paper... And I'll be disappointed, again!

Yesterday, hanging out is the sweetest things to cover up my sadness towards FEA. I've totally forgotten about it, we chit chat and watch a nice movie. That is just so... sweet. A sweet escape from my emo-ness. I know I'll be very sad and disappointed of that paper/my performance, its just the matter of time. And its now, I'm sad of it.

So, it's Friday today. I not yet sleep, last night spending all my time online, have fun, watch a movie, YouTube, videos, forums, phones bla bla bla. Just now I take a nap then go and have my log book for internship, and that's just fine. Then I walk alone to SKET to check the results for Etnik. Yes, it already comes out, really fast and efficient before I can take a breathe.

So here comes another big disappointment. It makes me think in a very negative way, am I wrong again? My studying method or what? And everytime, these bullshit subject I just get bullshit marks. Or am I expecting too much from myself? I done it bad again. I almost wipe my eyes to make sure whether the results are correct. Yes it is. And I hate this feeling. I'm very sad and disappointed (again), walking back alone to room, under the freaking hot sun, my sweat flows like water straight to my toes. I'm tired, its like I wish I can just sit down in the halfway and think back, what have I done wrong? And why am I being such responsible to check those results for all my friends, and I end up like this? I feel stupid, numb, there's no need to be so excited to see those fucking results. And I hate myself too. I know I can't predict future, and I know too, I thought I'm better than that, I mean, better than now.

Too much problem to deal with, its like I've done too much mistakes, and I've got much things to learn, still! I'm tired... Why is the reality so cruel? Why am I always got freaked out and fucked up? And why can't I hope the best for myself? Why is there too much disappointment in life? I know I'm asking some stupid questions, but, I just can't find answers for them.

I wish that, each time when I open my eyes, I'll be having a new day. Life's unpredictable, I know. Life's not a bed of roses, I understand too. I wish that I can accept all those ups and downs easily, that's it. Final's end, this semester ends, waiting to go home, waiting for internship, all those boring documents. I want holiday.