过期

今天是非常糟糕的一天，一大清早看到了几封好意外的信息。突然觉得，朋友，其实只是真的这样…我以前犯下的错误，今天都来敲我的门了…终于。一个我以为真正了解的朋友，我知道，如果彼此之间出了裂痕或缝隙，我们要花更多时间和力气去维持这份友情。我在乎，或许在你眼中，我以前犯下的错误，远远超过了我们之前快乐的时光。仿佛我现在做的每一件事都惹你不高兴…我觉得我应该什么都告诉你，可是你听了之后会怎么想；结果我还是保持沉默了，只是最后你听说了，我的流言还是飘进你耳中。或许这样会更讽刺，我说，或我不说，我联络你，或我不联络你，好像都做错了。我不找你，你认为我冷漠，自私，无事不登三宝殿。是这样吗？而现在我们已经走到，连信息都没有，电话也不接。说不怀念以前谈天说地是假的，说我不再记得你是伤人的，说这一切都是我一手造成的是遗憾了…我不怕肉麻，我也不怕自贱，因为在你面前，我已经一文不值了…认识了那么多年，还是第一次把所有以前不愉快的都吐出，我才恍然大悟，我以为我了解你，可是到最后才发现，我们是如此陌生。

你总爱笑着对我说冷漠的话，对，这是我以前爱做的事，我也默默地承认，我错了。只是一切已经到了无法挽回的地步，我想你也累了，是我把你搞成这样的。我能做的只是为你祝福，既然你已经不想再继续当朋友，我也不会在你眼角出现，如果你认为我早就应该这样。没错，以你认识我那么久，你应该知道我会办得到的…今早的信息，你已经完全没有给我解释的机会，我说的话你也听不进去吧…如果你这样会好过些，我会继续…我并没有把自己拉高，只是既然一切都被撕落得那么难看，而我已经逃得狼狈，现在说什么都是废话。你也不会看到这一些，就等于我们这份友情就到这。看来这样，希望你对我的反感会慢慢减少，因为你在不自觉中，已经一并加诸了太多情绪。一句话，即等于一百种意思。而我的话，传到你耳中总是变得负面。这样，太累了…

昨晚去看电影的时刻我还真的很高兴，可是这种感觉却维持不到二十四小时，只能说快乐都是短暂的。而且很多都是自欺欺人的，我虚构出太多的幻觉了，有些东西不存在，往往因为“以为”两个字而自催了。你没错，你有自己的自由，你有想聊天的时候依然可以找我。这回反而是我一厢情愿了，犯规，出局…

最好笑的就是自己，以为一个朋友答应了自己就不会去做某些事。承诺？还是只是纯粹聊聊？前者的话我只能说，太天真了；后者的话，伤人。要是你不能做到，就千万别答应我，这件事对你而言可能不重要，可是，你知道我很重视，为什么你还是要这么做？你是存心还是假不知道？前一天还口口声声说得好听，我则说，如果你真敢，我们友情报销！怎知没过廿四小时，这种事就发生了。荒谬…我现在认为的是，你或许又内疚的感觉所以不对我说话，但我也保留，你是存心要伤害我的。这个嫌疑比较大，不好意思，在这个时刻我已经无法再相信你。不过也算了，我和你“认真”认识的时间也只是几个星期，什么瞎承诺，可能都是不值钱的东西。别说我不体谅，人总要为自己做的事负责任。好笑…

但最后，最可笑的还是我。一厢情愿就算了，没想到是你开始的。没错，是我要认识你。你现在给我的感觉就是，负仇的时刻已经到了，一个朋友终于肯开口骂我，还有让我发现又一个出卖我的人，这回真的要谢谢你。你很善良很诚实，我连怪你的勇气都没有，告诉我怎么做，我很痛。现在连流泪也找不到是什么原因…我应该配合你，只是我很难控制我的情绪；我应该对你好，可是你做的却让我痛心。到最后，你还是不知道什么原因，而我也愣了，算了。或许我不应该摆太多情绪进去，我也不想逼你明白我在想什么，因为这是负担，换来的关怀都不是真的。我想努力做到的就是，体谅包容？希望我能学得会，一段感情，不管友情还是爱情，都是需要时间的。

几封凌晨的信息可把我整天搞砸了，好久没试过这么的痛，甚至没什么感觉了…七点多我从睡梦中醒过来，眼睛还没睁大就狂回信息。结果越回越痛，懂得事情越多，我的心越是负荷不来，为什么你们是这样？为什么我会这样？我不明白。在冷气的办公室里，我的心更是冷得颤抖，想哭，因为最后才发现，原来我只是一个人，相信的，都不是真的。我不想再希望这些人能给我什么东西，因为还是那句，我会失望了，一直都是…看到你的信息还是痛，回复是痛，不回复更不堪。这是变得怎么样烂了的人生关系…我不懂。早餐我不吃了，完全没胃口。放工回到家后我更是什么都不想做，只想逃避，睡了几小时。幸亏我的脑袋还是争气的，没有失眠。希望接下来的日子我会好过些…过期的感情就像旧报纸，一文不值。


02:41am
24.06.2009

Working on Sunday

After spending about two days at my friend’s house, I think I already have enough rest. Since everyday I just stay online after I wake up, nothing else to do, my life is just so-so… Ya, that’s how my life goes on, because I only work for weekdays, Monday to Friday, then how is my weekends? Saturday and Sunday? These two days will be kind of enjoyable days for most people. But for me, I just want to have rest at home. Maybe wake up late a bit, but still need to wash my clothes, then what if I don’t have wi-fi? I don’t really know what can I do… Except watching movies, but I don’t really have new movies.

The first weekend after I start my job, I remember that time is when I post my last blog. I ungergo a messy life, I even don’t walk a step from my room, except for toilet. As I just keep on surfing the net. I’m addicted to a forum, Lowyat.net. Really insanely addicted, until I must visit that forum everyday. For? Checking new posts, new offers etc… Really meaningless, but I’m so into that. Luckily the second weekend, I get a free ride to go back my hometown, then I get to enjoy at home again… Hehe. Then the next weekend, which is today, I visit a friend who stays nearby. Then we go eat together, still be able to talk, at least. If not, I really don’t know what I can do on my own.

Today is a additional working day. As my department has something need to rush, so I need to go back to help a little. Luckily CheeSan also works today, if not then I’m going to deal to these few hours on my own. Although it is Sunday, but working, for me is still ok, at least I’ve got something to do still. I finish my job at 3.30pm. Then I follow my friends who works together, Samantha and Edison, to go to Cineleisure. This is my very first time to go to that area, including The Curve, Ikea and Ikano. And I don’t need to spend a cent to go there. My aim to there is just “to have a visit” while my friends want to get some in the stock clearance of ESPIRIT. Hehe… But today is already the last day, I think most of the products left is just a bit… left-out by people… I just grab and search in almost every male corner, I’ve found some nice looking ones, but they are formal shirt, I don’t think I need much of them… Although they are selling really CHEAP! Haiz… Never mind, I should be glad that I didn’t spend money on it. Maybe next time? …

Stock clearance at Espirit, CineLeisure.

I walk along from Ikano, Ikea and The Curve. I feel like I’m at Bugis of Singapore… And The Walk and The Street just like some where in Singapore too. I like this type of environment, but I don’t get a chance to walk into it, as my friends are rushing in time. Wish that I have another chance to walk slowly there… Ikea is a furniture shop which I think is quite satisfying. From its design, to its product. The double-storey building seems to be packed with all types of house furniture, mostly. Too much of choices, but the price is not really cheap. Most products are just designed nicely, very useful for “decorating” our lovely house or office. But its usage or functionality I don’t really sure. Hehe. Because it selld “outlook and design” more than “usage”. At least I feel so. It is really a big company, big supplier… One thing I notice is, after I pass through the cashiers, I saw the recycle bin, which promote us to do recycling. Nice job! And it provides us some old newspaper, used up to wrap the fragile goods on our own. A mature system I think. My friend just bought one container from Ikea, and the cashier is not providing us even a plastic bag. I just wonder, it that there’s no plastic bag provided? Or it is a action to boost “environmental friendly”… Anyway, it is a nice job too, where I agree so much!

Piano, at Ikano.

Ikea, Light show...

Ya I agree with this... Hehe. Light as decoration.

Nice kid sit looked like a Bear. Its hands & legs can be bent into different angles, depend on how u like to. Nice idea.

I also manage to visit The Pet Safari and Bird Park, just to see pets (animals)… Hehe. I saw a cute puppy there, it just look so pity for being locked inside a cage. Everybody walked pass just look on it, like in circus, or exhibition.

Main entrance of Bird Park.

They stand so well, no shake no movement.. So cute. Let me capture them.

Main entrance of The Pet Safari.

At last, we three plan to leave at 6.30pm. But Edison, the one who only knows the way, wants to meets his friends nearby, then can’t show us the way back to Section 17. He then draws a map to Samantha and tells her how is the way. I’m totally innocent and helpless, as I never go there before, just manage to memorize some directions. Hehe. At first we two take the wrong way, missing a junction, but luckily we manage to get back to the origin and start over again. Then after that everything seems ok, until I finally reach my home! Kind of adventurous ride. Hoho. But anyway, thanks to my two fellow friends who bring me to have my first “visit” there. I feel quite sorry, even I stays here over a year, I never go there before, as well as One Utama. Haha. Looking forward for next visit already…

Nice views.

23:35pm
14.06.2009